meet me in the fruit aisle

rejection

i have 2 rejections and am on 2 wait lists. (so yes, my mistake for applying to only 4 places). i feel like i have another year off coming, which i’m not entirely upset about… but…. i guess it gets to be a little frustrating and a little stressful and a little heart breaking to keep trying what is maybe, possibly? your hardest, and then fail again and again, or be faced with continued uncertainty. it’s the uncertainty that bothers me. not the failing. because if i tried really, i don’t feel like i failed. trying is half of both success and failure, the other half is maybe up to chance, if the attempt was whole hearted and all… this just means i still have room for growth, which is kind of why i was starting to look forward to another year off. so yes i think its mostly the uncertainty of my situation that bothers me. i wish that life-and people- could be one way and be straight forward and honest and certain, but things don’t work like that. “the only constant is change” and all that. ehhh. how am i going to fault life and people for events and behaviors i don’t like, when, in “better” situations i like that characteristic of life that i’m now complaining of? surprise and change and uncertainty  are some of the things, when it comes down to it, that make life exciting. and here i am, in one instance where those things are unfavorable, being a hypocrite and complaining. how often have i been bored falling into the same routine, and wished for something to look forward to. there’s only something to look forward to if its something outside the monotony of my schedule. pretty much i need to shut up and roll with the punches or whatever and enjoy the roller coaster ride because life isnt a sprint its a marathon and its not about the destination its about the journey, and life is handing me lemons and. all. that. jank. 

good turn around.

but seriously… an ounce of certainty somewhere would be nice. to feel like my feet are on the ground. but i have plans so it’s ok!!

A Grilled Cheese Situation

yesterday i met this bread and i was like “ay yo what up?!” and bread was like, cheese i aint seen you in a MINUTE.

and dude we got BUTTERED

and then shit got HOT

and… i hate to admit…. i lost my OG card, and i melted.

i melted all up in that bread. he was my first love.

Character

Library man, comb-over, glasses, cross hatch polo, soft in the middle

talk to yourself in the library, news paper 6 inches from your face glasses off. 

“wow. lets see”

brown leather shoes

green pants? 

“hmm. HmmM.”

you are more interesting than my application. 

“damn.” 

This week

Die in your 40s from a cold. 

Die in your 40s with 60 dollars and a pen in your pocket. 

Dream that someone you know hurt you, and still be upset when you wake up.

Make love to your widowed girlfriend in your 70s with 200 mg of viagra in your viens. 

Dance like white people.

Dream that someone you know said some really good things to you, and hurt when you wake up. 

Wear baby glasses.

Dream about feeling a drum pulse in your foot. 

fruitless.

I’ve gone out on so many limbs, and i’m starting to wonder where all the fruit is. cause i aint got shit….. 

Yesterday 2

I learned what a pelvic kidney is!!!!! A female presented with right upper and right lower quadrant tenderness, including tenderness at McBurney’s point (and other symptoms that I don’t at this time have in front of me and aren’t really pertinent to the story), leading to a possible diagnosis of appendicitis. (And I learned that RUQ tenderness can present in appendicitis as pus from the appendix travels up the paracolic gutter (new word!!!!) to the RUQ causing irritation of the peritoneum, resulting in pain). HOWEVER I was all checking her history and this girl had an appendectomy already!!! So that was kinda out, awaiting confirmation by CT. CT was AMAZING. Girl had a pelvic kidney!!!!!

Pelvic Kidney: the body has general arrangement of organs. But everybody is a little freaky (like uterus can be all over the place). SO CT SHOWED PELVIC KIDNEY. Both your kidneys should be high in your back. One of hers was. The other was low in the front of her abdomen :O !!!!! Plus urinalysis showed blood, so she probs passed a stone making her kidney tender. so when dr pressed on her belly she was tender cuz of the kidney not her appendix which she didnt have!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was like a freakin murder mystery!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Yesterday

I touched a large (~10 cm) lipoma (fatty tissue tumor) on an old man’s back. It was soft, warm, and smushy (not like oatmeal smushy but a little less than boob smushy) and I got to press all on it.